Hii.

Hii there. Wassup? (Same question back to me) Yeah..i am doing fine ( white lie! as if someone cares to know the truth)

But still lemme go on this time. I am far from being fine. Don’t ask me why coz then I would have nothing to say. Maybe, i don’t have the words to tell what I am going through . Or I just don’t have the guts to tell how good I am at messing things up. I fail to manage stuff and in the process of untangling myself, I end up being on the other side. I wish to feel numb. Nothing at all, atleast for once. But only if i had a choice. I am barely standing upright. I make me a mask of smile. Smile, somewhat like a marvellous piece of art. In the exhibition, people feel pride to buy the smiles that are beyond their understanding but they flaunt of owing it, oblivious of how much effort it takes an artist to paint it.

And there you are! Reminding me how mean I am. Who the hell are you to say that and reciprocating the same? Yes. I am mean. I am not good to me, let alone you. I am selfish.

Aint we all? Don’t we like people just because they are good to us? Don’t we have our desires rooting our each and every action? But you know what, at least I am aware of this, unlike you.

I can be the best and worst person you come across. The only condition is how long you can stay through.

We speak to many, we talk to some and we share with a few. And handful are the ones, who still are with you.

I rest my case here, your honor. I don’t care about your freaking judgements and fake sympathies!

A partner during worst and a company for the best is all that is seeked.

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What would you do?

If I drop your phone in a bucket of water, what would you do? Would you get your phone and go to repair it and silently disguising your disgust or would you effortlessly express your anger in your tone and words?

If I spill the sauce over your favourite dress, would you freakishly smile at my immaturity or would you feel worthless to even remind me of it?

If I serve you a tasteless dish after a tiring day, would you eat it in helplessness or would you offer to cool something better together?

If I just create a ruckus in your life, would you bear with it or would you get to mend the same?

If I wouldn’t know how to describe what I am going through, would you shape it with me together or would you wait for me to figure it out on myself?

If amidst all this menace all I ask you is to stay back, would you do it or would you make me understand that you can’t?

Would you hold my hand before I fall or would you let me stand on my own?

When there would be serene silence between us, would you look me in the eyes and let them talk for what words can’t suffice or would you hide me in your arms and let our heartbeat sync?

If I ask you to leave me alone, would you stay there or do as I say?

If I come and tell you about the blunder that i made, would you own the share to clear it up or would you leave me to find a way out?

If between clouds of sheer perplexity hover above us, would you stilll hold my hand tight, past your insecurities or would you deal with the uncertainties with what they call ‘maturity’?

When no one among us would know how to pretend, would you still play the bluff?

Would you care to ponder above all these questions or would you line them up as some senseless stuff?

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Hey there!

A False Claim.

You claim that you know me, but let me tell you that you don’t.

You listen what I say to you, but there are words that I intentionally skip in between.

You see what I want to show you, but there are things that are hidden, which I erased from the scene.

You understand what I explain to you, but I also own a world of confusion within.

You think I was silent ‘coz I had nothing to say, but I was scared that after knowing them, you will go away.

I am grateful to have you there when I wanted you to be, but you hardly realised when I needed you, actually.

But I still wish for the day, when you would listen what I fear to say. When I will find you by my side and there won’t be a thing which I would need to hide. When I won’t silently long for you to stay, ‘coz the fear of losing you won’t find its way.

When I will feel relieved to be empty. the day when you will truly get to know me!!

And now my wish smiles at its futility.

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P.s. Do you know anyone who knows you?

THANKS FOR READING!💙💙

Lesson of the rain..

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She stood at the threshold waiting for the love to knock at the door,
For all the crisis she has been in already shattered her from the core.
She heard the miracles and magic of it, and wanted her life also to be lit.

She had a family to abstain the problems near and to wipe out the rolling tears.
But she wanted to cry out loud, to clear her inner sky which was enshrouded with the crowd.
She had her friends,
To her sorrows who were all ears.
But hardly any one knew that she was fighting her fears.
The pain of finding herself going far away was hard to bear. 
She was fragmented by the cavalry within,
Perhaps it was the curse of her sins.
Love is only found in stories and tales.
In real world, the concept always fails.

Then outside she glanced,
heard the sigh of wind and saw the leaves dancing.
At last the downpour arrived.
the clouds unloading themselves, and thus paving the way for the flowers to bloom, soil to become a scent and the sun to shine.
It was then she understood that,
Love can be felt only
When you unload the melanocholy
And live the melody.

To cherish the moon in the night,
You need the dark to hold the light!

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This is the first full fledged poem that I remember to have written. It’s already more than three years since I penned it down, but it still is special and close to me.

Thanks for reading!💫

Give or get

“What you give is what you get” I was taught.

But who said that you would be getting it from the person you gave and at the time when you need it!

I kept giving whatever I wanted. Few were the ones who valued and others took it for granted.

“What you give is what you will get”, there was one addition “but you are not meant to expect. For they bring the disappointment.”

What I was taught and what I learned weren’t always the same. What you give is hardly what you get and what you get is hard to give!

We gotta learn to give and disown it the next moment. Well, that’s less difficult than to own the pain of unfulfilled expectations.

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Thanks for reading!

Worst

The cold of uncertainties surround me, the hopes in which I seek warmth are now falling short of life.The dreams appear shallower as I feed them of false assurance.

Why am I being so negative? Is it a mere anticipation of what is yet to come or prediction of what is about to come?I don’t have an answer.

My mind tells to my head, “the worst is yet to come. Hold yourself.”
“That too shall pass. Don’t worry”, is what he gets in reply. “It’s only the time that passes. Things remain!” He hits back. I would lie if I deny.

Being oblivious of something is better than knowing and not getting it.” The worst is yet to come” I assure me.

I know

I know that my eyes are gonna follow your footsteps.

I know that my heart’s gonna race faster when I see you.

I know I would be looking longer than usual at your name written.

I know that I won’t be able to stop looking at your face from the corner of my eyes.

I know I’d be trying to behave normal when you are near me. And yes! I know that you ain’t gonna read any of this.

Rather, you are not capable to be in the audience to my heart.

Now, talking about all this is in vain. I know I sound like I am insane.

Crap! Just let it be, like you always do. If I am no-one then who are you? I never expected you to hurt me neither I hope you to make any heal. But just lemme know, how the hell do you stop what you feel!?

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Thanks for reading.💫

For this moment..!

There is nothing left for doing any haste,
But nor do I have any moments to waste.
This time, pull me close, hug me tight. Bury me inside.
For this moment which we’ve got, take me with you somewhere out of this world’s sight.
I can hear your heartbeat in my ears. No need to say a word. Let’s be quiet.
Your eyes are all I wanna see, so switch off the light.
We both know that I can’t stay for long,
when I will be gone, you’ll have to stay strong.
So for now,
Make me your weakness and be my strength.

Let’s live in this moment before it becomes a memory.
My song has the lyrics full of pain, it longs for your soulful melody.

For this moment which we’ve got, hug me tight, closer as you can.
Make me lost in you, at a place where you can always find me!!

Thanks for reading!✨

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Teri berukhi se hai badii, umar intezaar ki meri!

It’s in Hindi. Too lazy to translate. 😝

This line is not related to this post. It was just that it is ringing in my head for more than a day now, so I wrote it down here for you also to have some pleasure.😅

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Nothing special.

Well, I know that I wasn’t active here for past few days. The reason is…I don’t know. Or maybe I do. I was feeling strange for some reason and I literally didn’t feel like talking to anyone. But still I wanted to blurt out what was going on in my head to someone. At last I chose my own self for that. It helped to some extent.

And later I was feeling really lazy to even reply to the comments on my blog. This very fact made it even more sucking.Then I was like…just wait for the right time to come back. RIGHT TIME!!It never really happens. Isn’t it! You just have to collect yourself up no matter what.

And during all this process I missed you all! I wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t wait anymore. I didn’t want to. So finally, here we are.

And I have posted this tonight also because from tomorrow I don’t know how I am gonna feel! Is it just that I am thinking too much or something else?? I have just started to accept a change in my life and after some time I need to adapt to the old ‘n’ new normal back again!  Uff!! How I wish that this night doesn’t end so that I can have some more time like this. Holy crap!I have to see the sun as this night is just so stubborn!

P.S.– From now on, I might not be able to reply to your comments on time or to your posts. But I will try my best to not let this happen. I just hope that this won’t stop you from saying whatever you want to. It’s a sincere request that pleases don’t ask me anything about the last paragraph. I won’t be able to explain any of it. I know you will understand.

Thanks for being here.💫

kiTeS..

Sky felt lonely, so she went up in the sky to give a company. They both enjoyed together.

That’s what the kites thought.

But soon the kite started falling away from the sky, her love! The sky knew that he will be getting another one soon and the kite? She was torn apart, now she is of no use, sadly. She could never meet him again but all she can do is to see him. Maybe.

The kites don’t fly but they are made to. Light shows her the way and the air gives her direction. She tries to be free, and then she gets pulled away in a direction, she doesn’t want to. She resists. She fails. But still she could be seen up there; lost yet present! Ohh!! She looked at the string tied to her, the reason she can fly and not be free. After all, that’s how she is meant to be. Alas! Who says them to be symbolic of freedom?

Man, the kites are meant for flying only. What worth do they have if they can’t even do that? They are never independent, they are held in control always. Is that what they call a destiny!!?

Did I miss it?
Happy holiday fellas!
Uff!
Happy Independence Day, I mean!

Dhanyawaad for reading!💫